Do you want to feel even closer to your significant other?
It is a simple-to-do date, to try at home, right now, that is guaranteed to make you feel super loved up and connected! And it’s all based on years of research.
The story goes that in 1967 psychologist Arthur Aron (at the time a student) fell in love with his wife (at the time a colleague) and this sparked a deep fascination with the subject of love, so he began studying what causes intimacy and two people to feel romantically inclined towards one another. As part of his studies, he would bring together strangers, make them ask each other a series of questions and then he would analyse how they would feel about one another after the sessions. The experiment was built in a way where the questions would start of as relatively straight forward and simple to answer and gradually lead up to ones that required a deeper level of vulnerability. The idea is that through steady inclination and mutual sharing it is more likely you can build intimacy. The results? Most reported that they indeed felt feelings of positivity towards the person they had participated with and some pairs went on to date and even get married!
So just pour the both of you a cup of wine (if you are so inclined), get comfortable and take turns asking and answering sequentially. There are 3 sets of questions and the only rule is to answer honestly and fully. (Also feel free to add a few more burning Qs you are just dying to get to the bottom of). This date should take roughly 45 minutes. Enjoy!
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.